Seems like Murphy’s Law that whenever people see a pregnant woman, they feel like they can say anything they want, good or bad. However, good manners dictate that we should never ask “how far along are you?” unless we’re absolutely sure she’s pregnant. We know not to tell a pregnant woman she looks huge and “are you sure there aren’t twins in there?”
The same rules can apply to couples trying to conceive. The TTC process is very emotional and insensitive comments can do a lot of damage to the psyche of the couple. Recently, the Huffington Post published an article on the 5 things to never say to a friend trying to conceive. Even with good intentions, words can really hurt.
Here’s a several of the five from the Huffington Post:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
Suggesting someone’s infertility is part of “the grand plan” or that “everything happens for a reason” will only reinforce negative feelings they may already have, making them feel even worse.
“You know a friend of mine was trying, then poof!”
Try not to tell stories of someone else who was TTC who then suddenly got pregnant. When a TTC person or couple hears these anecdotes, the sting of “what’s wrong with me?” hurts even more.
Other comments to avoid include:
“Just stop stressing and it will just happen.”
Obviously, not being able to conceive is stressful and telling someone to not stress is not productive because they will inevitably stress about it.
“It will happen when it happens.”
Time is the enemy for couples TTC, so using time logic won’t help.
“Just enjoy this time as a couple.”
If a couple is TTC, they are ready to be parents and while spending extra time as just the 2 of them may be great, it doesn’t fill the void of a baby in their lives.
So, what should you say?
Tell them you support them in whatever decisions they make (surrogacy, adoption, IVF, etc), that you’ll keep them in thought and prayer and offer them a listening ear for venting. Be positive, supportive and patient.
To read the article in its entirety, visit http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-mommy-docs/5-things-to-never-say-to-a-friend-trying-to-conceive_b_3443976.html